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Savior or Sane?


After years of trying to conceive with no success, we became Foster Parents with hopes of adopting. That's a really long story for another time.

Over the past several months I have been more reflective than I can remember being in my entire lifetime, and I'm forty, so that's saying something.

At the root of my musings, I find the unstoppable thoughts of "I must fix it!". Fixing me. Fixing my thoughts. Fixing my expectations. Fixing my messy house. Fixing my routines and disciplines. Fixing my children's behaviors. You name it. It's been my burgeoning passion to fix it.

I thought being a Mom would be easier. I mean, how can I ask God for the blessing of motherhood to wallow in thoughts of not regret, but resent. You know, the overwhelming guilt you feel when you get something you wanted but it's not what you thought it was supposed to be. I know this could be said of far more than parenting. That job you wanted. The husband or wife you dreamed of. The house. The car. The list goes on.

There is always something we're longing for. Then once we get it, we need to fix it. I assume that's just human nature.

If my hair is straight, I want it curly. If I am blonde, I want to be brunette. Never. Satisfied.

Well, today's a new day.

I am not trying to FIX ANYTHING today. Do not get me wrong. I am not perfect. I am not happy with the way everything is in my life. I am aware. I am mindful. I have peace, even if just the tiniest amount coming and going throughout my hectic day. It's there. I am learning to cultivate it. It's a choice.

I have come to the realization. I. Am. Not. A Savior. I cannot FIX some things. I prefer to be mindful today. To be present. To live in this moment. Cherishing it as if it could be among my last. Because, well... it really could be.

Stay sane. Stop trying to save/fix everything that is not as you want it to be.

James 1:2 - "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy."
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Comments

  1. HumanJune 30, 2017 at 3:33 PM

    I really, really, really needed this. I struggle with this... This week especially has been so, so difficult because I have allowed myself to be consumed with FIXING! Moreover, consumed with what happens when I make the effort to FIX and people mess it up (or ignore it)!

    Your words are motivation to try a little harder to change this about myself.

    ReplyDelete

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