Freedom from Flashbacks

Yesterday my daughter tantrumed for over three hours. 

It was loud. It was long. Too long. 

After talking through what caused this, hours later, she told me that when I was touching her chin to talk quietly, giving her direction for a transition we were making, she didn't see me. She saw her birth mother trying to choke her.

She wept as she sat in my lap, while telling me her birth parents tried to choke her every day. 

She told me that everything goes black and she has flashbacks at random times when I would never imagine this to be possible. 

I was not even close to her neck, I gently touched her chin so she could be at my eye level and hear my soft words. 

Transitions are so difficult for her and I was handling this one as all the therapists and counselors have instructed me over the past nearly four years. 

My heart broke. We cried together as we held each other tightly. 

She went to blow her nose and asked for a minute to write a note to me before coming back to sit on my lap. The note is pictured in this post. 

We talked through another way that is comfortable for her and I when I need to get her attention. I explained to her that knowledge is power. I thanked her for sharing this with me, being vulnerable. I explained that now that I am aware of this (I have the knowledge) I can make a different choice (power to choose). 

It brings me back to the incredible need children have, to feel safe. To be loved. To be given a new chance at a new life. So many children, just like my daughter, are out there. They need a caring adult to gently guide and grow with them into the beautiful individuals God is creating them to be. 

Praying for freedom from flashbacks for my daughter and for our Faith to grow as we journey together down this windy road we call life.